So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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