At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
