The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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