Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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