thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
