My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The uberlube is also flammable
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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