And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
