i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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