We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
