I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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