Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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