your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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