So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
