you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Your penis caused this!
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