I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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