Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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