yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
