I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
