It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
