umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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