even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i think i just lost a toe
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
