Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
