I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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