Screwed.edu
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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