I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
