Texts From Last Night

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  (432): View more from Texas

  ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...

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  (432): ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today... http://tfl.nu/2fwj
  Replies (11) Good night (2404) Bad night (1045)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.

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  (917): just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect. http://tfl.nu/17qr
  Replies (23) Good night (6332) Bad night (721)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be

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  (507): Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be http://tfl.nu/9ozv
  Replies (29) Good night (4636) Bad night (705)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser

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  (313): you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser http://tfl.nu/1hpm
  Replies (16) Good night (4495) Bad night (879)
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  (438): View more from Quebec

  that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage

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  (438): that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage http://tfl.nu/1y6d
  Replies (12) Good night (1344) Bad night (4463)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue

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  (210): i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue http://tfl.nu/p7ux
  Replies (5) Good night (4507) Bad night (971)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.

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  (305): Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend. http://tfl.nu/xxmf
  Replies (6) Good night (3998) Bad night (941)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.

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  (406): Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified. http://tfl.nu/dihz
  Replies (14) Good night (5058) Bad night (1666)
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  (408): View more from California

  You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.

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  (408): You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree. http://tfl.nu/igom
  Replies (1) Good night (2267) Bad night (926)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face

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  (561): I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face http://tfl.nu/knsv
  Replies (25) Good night (3601) Bad night (1905)
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  (516): View more from New York

  you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.

  (1-516): View more from New York

  right. well we all have our lows.

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  (516): you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk. (1-516): right. well we all have our lows. http://tfl.nu/vj3x
  Replies (4) Good night (1165) Bad night (1406)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.

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  (515): I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower. http://tfl.nu/kyot
  Replies (20) Good night (1286) Bad night (2258)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class

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  (954): I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class http://tfl.nu/ks3b
  Replies (3) Good night (1212) Bad night (279)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.

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  (708): I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day. http://tfl.nu/dqby
  Replies (2) Good night (387) Bad night (332)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache

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  (773): He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache http://tfl.nu/46b1
  Replies (10) Good night (146) Bad night (1145)

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