Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
