You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
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My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
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Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.