We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting