I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.