i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
