forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
