is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
