Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
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i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
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she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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