God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
