What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
