I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
