some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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