something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
