I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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