Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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