So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
