highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Found the puke drawer
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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