this beer tastes like vomit already
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
