Don't you send me to vm
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
