there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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