just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
