If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
