i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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