I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
