Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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