I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
