he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
