My sheets look like a crime scene.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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