today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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