Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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