I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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