insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
