Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
