He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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