Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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