In the future we'll all be gay
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
