are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
