Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i've created a new STD.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
