I am puke
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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