Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
