My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
