Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
