u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
