Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
