O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
