I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
