what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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