Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
