I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
