My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Farmville is her only friend.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
