I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just google imaged poop.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
