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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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