I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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